Dirt Bike Road Trip to Kernville!

I had been looking forward to the Keysville camping and riding trip for weeks and the date was soon approaching. I prepped all my gear and my bike thoroughly. I went trail riding twice. I jogged. I was ready. 

Or so I thought.

With just a few days to go, the weather picture for St. Patrick's Day weekend was looking grim; 100% chance of rain or snow with snow levels approaching 3000'. Planning to camp in Keysville area at 2600', something had to give and Dan made an executive decision to relocate base camp to the Kernville Lodge for the weekend. I mean riding in the cold rain and snow was tough enough, to do it while camping is just plain torture. You NEED a hot shower after that kind of punishment and suffering.

We left Friday morning to get a day's worth of riding in before the storm hit. Our destination was Remington Ridge on the east side of the Kern River canyon and the trail head is right above Remington Hot Springs.

The weather was perfect. The team was ready. The bikes were topped off with gas. The ride was on.

And then came the switchbacks.

I consider myself a sort of  'jack of all trades, master of none' kind of guy on a motorcycle. I can ride, don't get me wrong. I'm C level motocross on a good day, but I'm not a beginner. I can touch the footpegs down on most sportbikes and I even raced supermoto for a while. I've ridden dunes, raced at Mammoth (sort of) and Glen Helen, Carlsbad and Elsinore and I was never a standout. I earned the nickname "Midpack" and even use it on my Hotmail account (midpack_racer@hotmail.com).

But I never rode trails much. Oh, I've been to Gorman (who hasn't?) and love those wide-ass trails, some are even one-way! Gummy dirt when it's damp and rock hard when it's dry, but that is not trail riding. Not really.

What I thought was "single track" was now redefined as a 4" ribbon of dirt on the side of hill so steep you wouldn't want to walk up it (which is why you're going across the hill) can't ride uphill and you better not fall downhill. My uphill leg continues to creep upward for fear of being ripped off my footpeg and within one mile I am sweating hard and gripping the bike way too tightly out of fear of crashing. And then come the switchbacks.

I think I stalled on the first one, a left, I think, I can't remember, but the bike started right up and I continued. But then they started coming and most were hidden and sudden and steep and narrow with a rock in the rut or a root and for every one of them that I 'cleaned' there were 4 that I stalled or fell over or wheelied or did something else, but by the time I got to that black muddy hillside, I was already exhausted.

And then my stomach started cramping and I knew it was going to bad day.

Thankfully, I escaped with no injury except to my pride. I bailed on the ride at the midpoint to take the road back to the trucks but couldn't get back quickly enough. My intestines had had enough and I looked for a place to dump the bike, get my gear off and find a place to squat out of sight. It wasn't easy to do on the side of a twisty canyon road, but I made it.

And Dan, thanks for swapping bikes and showing me the way. You were right, I wasn't mentally prepared, but maybe next time I will be. And there will be a next time. I need to add this to my "Jack of all Trades" list.

Into the Canyon

House of Stones

Entering the Forest

Fucking Tourists

Fucking Teenagers

WTF? Tree of Doom I Should've Known

Do Not Challenge to a Dirt Bike Race

Do Not Challenge to a Dirt Bike Fight

Two's Company...

...Three's a Crowd

Local Youth Feared for Their Safety and Soon Left

Better than Perfect!

Mothership Spotted on the Way to Kernville

Suspicious Behavior Imminent

We retreated to the hotel after re-grouping and before long, Special Ed had a batch of carne asada on the BBQ and we were in full-tilt relax mode. Booher showed us how to drink cowboy whiskey and sang along with Dan's guitar to everyone's delight.

I nursed a beer and wondered what tomorrow would bring, I was still sick to my stomach and cramping horribly. What the fuck did I eat? At least we weren't camping in the cold, damp woods. Thanks again, Dano.

The next morning dawned with steady rain and low clouds. Snow was clearly falling in the upper elevations, but everyone was optimistic and ready to ride, except for me. I ate breakfast with everyone else and waited for signs of trouble. Sure enough, I began to get cramps and with 2 meals in and none out, cramps starting up again... well, I swallowed my pride and begged out of the day's riding. I'm glad I did, but it wasn't without regret.

Preparing for Battle Saturday Morning.

Dax Prepares Mentally. Something I Need to Learn

Later, after everyone was back at the hotel after what was CLEARLY a difficult and punishing ride to everyone that went, I was made to smile when Slicer looked at me and said quietly and with great seriousness, "You made the right decision not to go." Enough said. See Mag 5 blog for Dan's recap of that day. Looked like fun. Not.

Saturday night was time to go out. All the warriors that survived the day needed to blow off some steam. Not to mention it was St. Patty's Day and if there was ever a reason to knock one back, that's a good one. The luck of the Irish was with me and though I know had several drinks very quickly, I managed to stay on my feet despite the type of shenanigans picture below.

Charger Dave Lines them up for the Team!

And One for You!

Dan Started the Dance Revolution with his patented 'Mountain Rider' Move

Slicer Has Appropriate Response to "FreeBird" by CroMag and the Boys

Wayne Contemplates Human Social Interaction Dynamics. To the  Nth Degree.

I heard later that we might not get invited back to the Kernville Lodge due to the actions of some, but no one was hurt or arrested and I think everyone had a pretty good time. The locals were extremely tolerant of us this weekend, as well, though some probably wished we were fishing instead of riding dirt bikes.

But then we wouldn't have been half as fun as we were!

Next morning, Sunday, the snow had reached the hotel and our main concern was to get the hell out of Dodge before we got snowed in to Kernville, but mainly to get through the Tejon Pass at the Grapevine before, or in case, they closed it due to the snow.

My Bike Hated Me

Rain Fog Snow Clouds Rocks

Driving out of the canyon and looking at the white and green mountains, I knew I'd be back, and I will. Just as soon as I prep all my gear and my bike thoroughly. And go trail riding twice. And jog. I'll be ready.

Branches Roots Ruts Logs Mud

Virgin Hills in Tejon Pass Area

Almost back to LA (Check the Snow Cover up in the Back Country)

If you're still reading, I'd like to extend thanks BIGTIME to Dan Hallada, Dax, Rick, Ed, Mark, Tyler, Wayne, Dave, Bret, Dave, Tim, Greg, Greg, Mike, Phil, and Chris. Thanks for everyone who drove a great distance to add to this awesome party weekend. See you next time, MK.